It started with Grace on Wednesday. She woke up throwing up, and proceeded to keep vomitting every ten to thirty minutes for 6 hours. As you know, tiny infants dehydrate quickly, because they are mostly "water". Grace was hospitalized around 4pm. Because she was so dehydrated, her veins kept blowing. So they had to give her an IV through her head. 
It was sad, but we were glad that we had help and support and we were able to help our baby get better.
My mom was kind enough to take Grant home with her that afternoon. We had hoped that he wouldn't get the nasty flu that exhausted and depleted our poor little Goose.
Thanksgiving morning, we headed down to go pick up Grant and be with family.
(I know, I know. Stupid.)
After Thanksgiving dinner, Grant began to throw up and my worst fear was realized.
He was up for most of the night. Despite being a one year old- he did amazing keeping his sickness in the garbage can.
I cried watching him.
When he would start to feel the vomit coming on, he would cry and look at me with fear and confusion in his big blue eyes.
(If you have ever had a toddler throw up, you know it is the absolute saddest thing you will EVER see. They are old enough to know that something is wrong, but young enough that they don't know what is going on. It's awful.)
Anyway, when he would start to feel it coming, I would hold his hand and say things like, "It's going to be okay baby." "It will help." "Just let it out and you will feel better."
Being an adult (lol yeah right) I knew that he would feel better once he was done throwing up.
I wished more than anything that I could take it away. I wanted more than anything to make it stop. It broke my heart to watch my baby(ies) go through that.
But I was helpless. There was nothing I could do.
All that I COULD do, was wait it out. Stay by his side, and try to make him comfortable through it.
Well, with lots of help... We made it through.
I thought I was in the clear.
Until this evening when it became MY turn.
I hate throwing up. I hate being sick. Although I know that I'll feel better once it's out- I still don't want to do it.
It's 3am.
I have already thrown up quite a few times.
Just 30 minutes ago, I felt it coming.
I was done.
Totally sick of being sick.
I prayed with all the faith I could muster that I wouldn't throw up again. I begged and pleaded with Heavenly Father.
But I still threw up.
Why?
Because like I knew with Grant, Heavenly Father knew the same applied to me- if I let it out, I would feel better.
And that's what I wanted, right??
It had to get worse before it got better.
I drew a parallel from this.
Trials.
TRIALS. Right?
We get a particularly rough trial. We don't want to do it and we want it to stop. So we pray and pray and pray. We beg. We plead. We cry. Sometimes we even rally and get strength and prayers sent up from friends and family in our behalf.
But it still comes. It still happens. Our worst fears are realized. Our TRIAL.
Why doesn't God take it away? Why when we go to him, does he seem to ignore our pleas, even when we are righteous!?
Because that was the deal.
That was SATAN'S. Plan.
Satan wanted to have complete control. Satan wanted there to be NO CHOICE.
But if you are here, and you are reading this.. You voted for the other plan. Heavenly Father's plan.
The plan that guaranteed us moral agency.
The plan that guaranteed is FREEDOM.
The plan that enabled us to MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES.
The plan that stated that God would not force ANYTHING upon us..
...not even good things.
So as we go through the storms and trials of life.. Our Father in Heaven tearfully watches on, just as helpless as we sometimes feel.
The only thing He can do is
wait it out,
stay by our side,
and help make us as comfortable as He can.
KNOWING, that if we make it through..
We will be better.
Sometimes, like Grant- we get so focused on what is going wrong, that we don't realize that Heavenly Father is by our side. We don't realize that although things are bad- He is holding our hand.
That even though life seems HARD, He is doing everything He can to help us be comfortable through our trials..
By sending family, a good friend, a kind neighbor, a thoughtful text, an inspiring message... Etc..
If you are going through something..
If you want it to stop..
If you are done, and feel like you don't want to do it anymore..
Be still.
Listen.
Feel the presence of our God and Savior.
If you really try, you'll know that they are there, and ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. You just weren't paying attention.
Being a parent has taught me more about Heavenly Father, and who He is; what He is like...
He isn't an All High and Mighty God who wants us to worship Him while he sits in a golden throne all day.. No.
He is our FATHER. Our FATHER IN HEAVEN.
Our Father who is waiting on the edge of His seat, waiting and hoping that all of His children...
make it home.
He loves us.
He misses us.
He WEEPS with us.
No matter how dark it is. No matter how painful your life may seem.. He is there. And once you make it through...
YOU will be better.
-C