First, in case you haven't yet heard... we finally had our baby!
We were surprised with a baby girl last Wednesday evening, January 23, and after three days I'm soooo excited that we have a name for her!
Via Jeanene Hughes
{pronounced Vee-uh Juh-Neen}
When I wrote Grant and Grace's birth stories, I wrote them for my readers! But I just want to give you an honest heads up.... I'm not doing that this time. lol
This time I want to write it more for me. I don't want to forget a single thing..
So.
That being said.
It's going to be longer.
It's going to be wordy.
And it's going to be real honest. {even though I'm embarrassed to admit how horribly I acted at some points...}
I'm going to try and break it up into segments so if you want to skip around, go for it. Whatever floats your goat.😉
p.s. there are pictures also.. so... just so you're prepared for that.
I'm not worried though because my readers condensed by a lot when I got rid of my Instagram and stopped posting on FB. If you're here and reading this you're special and I don't think you'll mind these photos. I think they're tasteful and beautiful :) Don't be scared lol.
CHRISTMAS BREAK + THE BEGINNING OF "FALSE LABOR"
I got a recommendation from a very good friend, and decided to call Renee at June Moon Home Birth. One of the very first questions I asked her on that initial consult phone call was what her opinion was of me traveling down to Mesquite over Jaron's Christmas Break from school. I had explained to her that my due date was January 12th, and obviously that meant that I'd be 9 months pregnant..
She asked about my history, and then proceeded to tell me she didn't have any issues with it, and assured me that I'd be fine and have plenty of time to be back home to deliver.
That's how important going back home over the Holidays was to us.
It was so important that, like I said, it was one of the first things I asked my midwife technically before she was really even my midwife!
Fast forward five months.
Christmas time!
All of our ducks were in a row and we were excited to be going home!
Although my midwife felt that I wouldn't deliver until we returned home, there was still the risk that I could deliver while we were visiting Mesquite.
So I had contacted my old midwife in St. George, Cyndi, and she agreed that should I go into labor while we were visiting- she would gladly help me deliver.
Although I was nervous and really really didn't want to go into labor while we were down there...I wanted to see my family more. And that was a gamble I willingly took in stride, no matter how many people told me I was nuts for traveling 10+ hours in a car while pregnant.
After lots of prayers, we made it to Mesquite with no problems :)
After a few days of lots of catching up with family and lots of fun.. I started to have a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I was 37 weeks pregnant, and I didn't worry about it too much, I just figured maybe I wasn't drinking enough water, or maybe doing to much... or honestly maybe it was because I was actually getting dressed in real clothes... like jeans... every day for the first time in months lol
Whenever the Braxton Hicks would act up I'd try hard to take it easy. Even though... I was already taking it easy.
If you've been pregnant before you know what I mean- how much can you do with a giant belly, I mean, really?
One lazy afternoon, two days before Christmas, I was literally sitting on the couch, taking it EXTREMELY easy, when contractions began coming every 7-8 minutes. They felt like Braxton Hicks contractions on steriods. It wasn't so much the contractions themselves that got me worried- it was that they were coming at regular intervals.
I text Cyndi just to let her know what was going on, and then I laid down just to change positions to see if they would stop. They didn't.
Then I decided I'd try and take a bath.
You see, baths can help calm an active uterus. If the contractions stopped after a bath = false labor.
If they persist for more than an hour = real labor.
{P.s. BUH-LO-NEEEEEEE. And it was this way of thinking was going to cause me some reeeeeeal trouble. Just wait...}
I took a bath and the contractions stopped. I was so relieved! So I got dressed and Grace and I headed to meet Jaron and Grant over at Jaron's parents house where they were waiting for us.
Once I got there we had some dinner and after an hour, the contractions started coming at regular intervals again.
To make a long story short... I had "false labor" for 12 hours.
It wasn't until 3am that the contractions finally stopped and I was able to fall asleep.
I felt bad because every single member of both of our families wanted me to have the baby while we were visiting. I'm also 100% sure that even Jaron wanted me to.
Which I get.
We live far away, and everyone wanted to meet the baby. A part of me agreed and wanted to let that happen for them.. But the more part of me really clung on to my happy-dream-come-true of being able to have a baby in my very own home.
..And having a baby while we were away would really complicate a lot of different things.
The contractions continued to bother me almost constantly the whole time we were on break.
So I did what anyone would do and I took it to Google.
I read that "false labor" shouldn't be called "false labor" because your body is doing something. It's getting ready for a baby. It could be softening your cervix, it could be helping you dilate.. the works. For heavens sakes, with Grant I was dilated to 5cm and still not in active labor. With Grace I walked around 4cm dilated for almost two weeks before she was born... so I knew my body was probably doing something.... it being the end of my pregnancy and all.
It put us in a pickle.
We didn't know when we should leave because we realized that we could run the risk of having the baby on the road on the way home.
A couple weeks into our visit, before we could decide when and if I should try to leave, we met Cyndi at her office to have her check me, and see what she thought.
Luckily, my cervix was barely dilated to a one, and I was still very "posterior" . So she gave us the green light to go ahead and make the trip home.
After a few extra days with our families, we decided to get heading back to California.
Before we left we were able to help my mom plan her trip to come and be with us... You see, originally, my mom wasn't going to be able to come out and help when the baby came, but her bosses were kind enough to give her an entire week off to come and be with us!
Because I had already gone into "false labor" and was already having contractions like... always... we decided to book her flights. We decided that with all the action going on in my body, it was safe to book her to fly out on my due date, and have her stay for a week until that next Sunday.
Either the baby would have already been born OR would be born while she was there!
After saying gruesome goodbyes to our families, on January 2, we made the trip home.
I was so SO happy that we made it home, and didn't have a baby on the side of the road!
My dream birth was so close, it was basically already in my hands! I knew that any moment, and day now... our baby would come.
CONTRACTIONS. CONTRACTIONS. CONTRACTIONS.
The next few days, Jaron was busy as a bee prepping the house and getting all the last minute things ready for our new baby to arrive.
I really hoped that the baby would come before Jaron had to go back to school on the 7th. I thought it would be nice to have Jaron home those first few days with the new baby.
Time slowly passed.
I patiently waited for our little miracle.
Contractions still came frequently, and I felt like I was figuratively always on the edge of my seat!
I felt so close, and I was so done being pregnant.Right after returning from our vacation, I had an appointment to visit my midwife. At the visit, I weighed 195 lbs. That may shock you- but I was 198 lbs the day I had Grant.. so that number didn't come as a shock at all. It felt totally right.
Like I said... I was so done being pregnant.
To be on the safe side, my midwife sent me home with a glucometer so that we could monitor my blood sugars. She also sent me home with the birthing tub! :D
I kept getting more and more excited.
Once we got the birthing tub, I really felt like I had everything I needed and that the baby could just come right away.
But.
No.
More days crept by.
Jaron went back to school.
But day after day, nothing happened.
The constant contractions I had experienced in the weeks of being in Mesquite actually SLOWED DOWN. I didn't feel them as frequently. Some days I'd only feel three or four contractions in the whole day. THAT made me crazy. I thought, what gives?!
I started waking up thinking, "Today is a perfect day to have a baby! I'm sure it'll happen today."
... and it wouldn't.
One night around 10pm, I began having regular contractions again. I still felt them really high and in the front, but they were strong enough that I had to focus and breathe through them. Without waking up Jaron, I walked into the front room and called my midwife and explained to her what was happening. She asked me if I could sleep through them. I told her that I probably could try, so we decided that I'd try to sleep through them and if I couldn't I'd call her back.
I tried and tried and tried to fall asleep, but part of me was hoping this was the moment I had been waiting for and didn't want to sleep.
After a couple hours I felt the contractions start to die down and then I accidentally fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I was super upset.
I was really disappointed that I hadn't gone into labor. But it was Sunday, and I figured I'd at least try to have a decent day. So I got up and we all got ready and went to church.
During sacrament meeting the contractions started to flare up again.
During Sunday school I couldn't focus on a single thing that was said because I was so uncomfortable sitting my huge body in those pews and I was having contractions.
I left Sunday school and called my midwife and let her know how I was feeling and what was going on, and she said it would probably be a good idea for her to come over to our house that evening to check in and see how baby and I were doing.
Later that evening when my midwives arrived, I felt relief knowing they were going to come and help me figure out what was going on.
Amanda and Renee are so amazing, and their presence alone makes you feel instantly more relaxed.
They checked my cervix and said that even though my cervix was super soft, I was only dilated to about a two... maybe. And the baby was still very very high.
And that, my friends.. is how your crush a pregnant woman's soul. lol
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe after all of those contractions, after all that "latent labor", that my body was still not doing a thing.
With Grant and Grace it was so different. At the end of pregnancy I walked around at 4 or 5 centimeters dilated without feeling so much as a slight cramp. But with this baby?
WEEKS of contractions and NOTHING.
Still. Renee knew how to reassure me.
She told me that third babies are different and she believed that once I went into labor I would go, and I would go fast. Amanda said not to get caught up in the numbers and centimeters because in the end sometimes they don't mean much at all. You can go from two to ten in twenty minutes.
They made me feel better and gave me hope and comfort.
They also showed me some tricks/positions and postures to try while I had contractions that they said may help the baby engage and get me out of the latent labor I was in.
They also suggested that I could walk up stairs two at a time, things like that...
And so it began.
So began the phase where Carmina would try EVERYTHING.
Every.
trick.
in the book.
A few more days went by and it happened again.
I felt like labor had begun, again.
This time the contractions seemed to be getting stronger so I was confident that this time it would be it. So my midwives came out for the second time, ready for a baby to be born!
They arrived and checked me, but again. Despite everything, no progress had been made. They were kind and comforting the way they always are, and told me that they'd go home, but I very well could call them in an hour to have a baby. Or, I could have a baby in the morning.
{Unfortunately, neither of those things happened.}
I felt so bad after they left.
I felt like the girl who cried "labor!".
I began to really doubt my ability to tell if I was really in labor or not. I began to wonder how I would ever know. With Grace, I felt similar contractions to the ones I had been feeling only for an hour and then went into the birth suite and BOOM. Active labor hit and then we had her.
I felt like my body was trying to start labor all the time but it just wouldn't happen.
My mind wouldn't shut off. I felt such angst.
I was getting so tired physically, mentally and emotionally.
But not spiritually. I felt great spiritually.
So I prayed.
My mom was scheduled to fly out in a few days, and so I prayed as hard as I could that the baby would be born either Thursday, Friday, or Saturday {the day my mom would fly in}.. I told God that I'd even accept Sunday, but that would be pushing it a little.
At the time, I felt like my prayers would for sure be answered because I hardly ever ask for anything big like that just for myself. And I wasn't really even asking for it for myself, it was more that I wanted the baby to arrive while my mom was here, for her.
I just felt like she could use a win, you know?
Guys.
Don't. Ever.
EVER.
Try to put God on your timeline.
Do you want to know what happened?
I created my very own trial.
I set myself up.
I made up a faith crisis, all on my own.
The baby wasn't born on Thursday.
She wasn't born on Friday.
Or Saturday.
Or Sunday.
You want to know the worst part?
She wasn't even born that whole week.
My mom came, stayed for nine days, and left without meeting the baby.
Oh I tell you.
I was upset.
I was crushed.
I felt nothing.
I felt like my prayers were going to voicemail.
I told Jaron that I knew I was having a trial of faith and I also knew I was failing it big time. Distancing yourself from Heavenly Father right before you're about to try and bring one of His precious spirits to this earth is a really dumb move.
But that's what I was doing.
My attitude was so bad.
But looking back... I know why He allowed that to happen. That last week of pregnancy would have been impossible without my mom.
She flew in on Saturday- my due date.
{p.s. due dates are stupid. lol}
But as I mentioned before, baby wasn't budging.
After a couple more days, I also felt like baby wasn't moving as much. My midwife asked if I would go to the hospital to do a non-stress test on the baby, just make sure everything was okay.
That evening Jaron and I left Grant and Grace with my mom {see? it would have been awful. It was so good she was there.} and went to the hospital down the street and were admitted for the NST.
I can't tell you how anxious I was.
I was so anxious being there that my heart rate was suuuuper high.
I was also sweating buckets.
After being hooked up to itchy monitors for an hour, they came and told me that baby was doing just fine, and the nurse asked if I wanted her to check my cervix. Well- I had lost my mucus plug the day before and I was curious to know how things were progressing, so I said yes.
Bad news again.
only 60% effaced, and 2 almost 3 cm dilated.
And baby?
She said baby was at a -3 station.
THAT my friends, was a dagger.
A straight dagger in my over-worked heart.
I didn't quite know what -3 station meant, so the nurse explained that it's a fancy way of saying "YOUR BABY IS NOT ENGAGED IN YOUR PELVIS, LIKE, AT ALL AND YEAH YOU'RE NOT HAVING THIS BABY FOR A WHILE." -her exact words.
I was so happy that the baby was healthy, but I was so so sooooooooo crushed. All those positions, all the stairs, all the things I was doing to try and help baby engage weren't doing anything.
The nurse also said the baby probably wouldn't engage until my water broke.
"HA! Fat chance!" , I thought. My water has never broken on it's own. The Dr. broke my water with Grant. I had labored for almost 7 hours total with Grace and wanted to push her out but my water STILL hadn't broken, so my midwife had to break it for me.
I felt like my clock was running out- because it was.
My dream of giving birth in my own home was quickly slipping through my fingers.
Because I had gone a week over my due date, it was recommended that I go in regularly for NSTs, and, if I didn't go into labor on my own, I needed to be induced in the hospital at 42 weeks.
More days passed, and soon came my day for my scheduled NST at Highland Hospital. The cool thing about Highland is that the integrate midwives and doctors into their Labor and Delivery Unit, so I was actually seen and taken care of by another midwife.
SO many things had been running through my mind.
I had spent way too many nights Googling crap, and my head was everywhere.
at 41 weeks, lots of latent labor and no progression, I was worried that the baby may not be able to come on it's own. In my head, even though we decided in the beginning that the baby's gender would be a surprise, I felt so strongly that we were having a baby boy.
And because I was measuring big, it was going to be a BIG baby boy. I read lots of forums where Moms had the same problems I was having, and the baby was too big to fit, or wouldn't ever engage, and they had to have C-sections after being induced.
It terrified me because not only was my home birth seemingly being thrown out the window, but I felt like C-Section was creeping it's way onto the table.
But the NST went great. The baby was fine, and they checked amniotic fluid which was also perfect. The midwife said everything looked great and she felt really good about where we were. She said there was a good chance that I would have the baby on my own... but then she gave me the talk.
The talk that made me schedule an induction right then and there for that next Friday at 8pm, just four hours shy of me turning 42 weeks pregnant because at that point..
at that point I knew I needed to stop worrying about what I wanted, and think about the baby's safety. And more than anything I just wanted this baby to be safe.
The longer and longer I was pregnant,
the more worried for the baby's safety and health I became.
The next day, my mom left.
I cried so hard at the airport.
I cried because she was leaving.
I cried because I hated that the baby didn't come while she was here.
I cried because I felt so incredibly stupid and guilty for buying the plane tickets so soon.
I cried because I hate that she lives so far away.
I cried because Heavenly Father didn't answer my prayers, and I felt like I had prayed for a good, harmless thing.
We went to church after dropping my mom off, and I didn't feel so much like going.
After sacrament meeting was over I almost asked Jaron if we could just go home but there was only one more hour left so I bit my tongue and we stayed.
We stayed but I didn't listen.
I couldn't pay attention.
I felt so upset for so many different reasons. I told Jaron that I could almost literally just feel my hormones going crazy. Making ME crazy.
Monday came and went with no baby.
When Tuesday came and went with zero signs of labor and no baby, I begged Renee to let me try to do something to get labor going. I really really wanted my baby boy.
I wanted my home birth.
I felt like my strength was spent and that if I didn't have the baby soon.. I felt like maybe I wouldn't have anything left to give to even try and attempt a home birth anymore.
She agreed and told me I could take castor oil the next day.
I was so skeptical though, because I took castor oil TWICE when I was pregnant with Grace and all it did was give me a bit of diarrhea. It didn't work.
So in my head, it wouldn't work this time either.
But it was the very. last. option. The last possible thing I could try to induce naturally.
That night as I lay in bed, I felt so unheard. I told Jaron that I didn't even feel like I was in a good place to give birth because I didn't feel like I was in a good place with God. I had been such a brat, I had such a bad attitude because I was upset at Him for not giving me what I wanted, when I wanted it.
At that point I just felt like I didn't even know what to pray for anymore.
{As I am thinking back on this now I am literally rolling my eyes at the drama, but it was so real to me then. I am not denying that it was really hard then- it was. But looking back I wish I could have just told myself to hang on. Hang on and you'll understand soon!}
Before trying to fall asleep, I decided I'd try and reach out to God, exercise faith one last time..
So I got on Youtube and pulled up the Mormon Messages page.
They don't post new Mormon Messages all the time... but they had just posted one
4.
days.
before.
and the title of the video hit me hard..
so I watched.
It was a video about Michael McLean, and he told his very own story that happened to be about
not being heard.
The video spoke so directly to me. It was exactly how I had been feeling.
and from that moment, I knew that even though I felt like I was praying and nobody was listening..
He was.
I just wasn't seeing it.
I said a prayer and after a long and agonizing week, I felt like I was good with God again.
I prayed and I told Heavenly Father that I was sorry for being so demanding. I was sorry for my bad attitude. I prayed that I would have enough faith to accept His will. Whether that be a home birth, a hospital birth.. even a C-section. I prayed that He'd help me to be strong no matter how the pregnancy ended. I prayed that He would keep my baby safe, and that everything would be okay.
And of course, He heard.
CASTOR OIL DAY. IN OTHER WORDS, BIRTH DAY.
The next morning I woke up and almost did the same old thing that I had been doing every day for the last bit of this pregnancy.
Wake up.
Say goodbye to Jaron.
Feed Grant and Grace breakfast.
Turn on a movie.
Go back to sleep.
But then I remembered...
It was castor oil day.
So I ate breakfast, put a movie on for the kids, did a couple random things, and then around 10 am I couldn't wait anymore so I just decided to go for it.
I mixed up 2 tablespoons of castor oil into a little cup of orange juice, plugged my nose and bottoms up. Honestly, I really didn't think it was going to do anything.
And after four hours of not feeling a single thing, I felt like my suspicions were confirmed.
Nothing was going to work.
Around 1pm... the castor oil had kicked in.
And it kicked in hard.
I felt like it was the flu in a bottle.
I'm sorry, I know this is a lot of information but you guys.
YOU GUYS.
The diarrhea was UNPARALLELED.
Nothing.
NOTHING stayed in.
It was like someone had pulled the imaginary cork and everything was just running straight out.
and it wasn't just diarrhea... I felt so sooooooooo sick.
Castor oil is supposed to get labor going so I was expecting it to make me start having contractions.
Wrong-O.
I just felt sick. My stomach cramped, not contracted. You know when you have the flu or food poisoning and your stomach cramps and you get pukey and/or poopy?
That's how I felt.
Like ab-so-lute garbage.
It was so bad that I put on a Depends just in case {I bought Depends for after labor, they're easier than dealing with mesh undies and giant pads that slip around everywhere} and laid in my bed waiting for it to pass.
I remember lying there in bed feeling so sick down to my bones and just apologizing. I apologized over and over to the baby and to myself. I felt like taking the castor oil was such a huge mistake. I regretted taking it so much. I just wanted to feel better. I told myself and the baby that this was it. I wouldn't take the castor oil again, and I wouldn't try anything again.. I would be a good mommy and just wait until Friday.
I was starting to feel a little better, and I had almost fallen asleep when I got a call from Renee.
I knew she was calling to check and see how I was doing because I had taken the castor oil.
I explained to her that I took it that morning and it just made me sick, and that I wasn't having any contractions or anything. She was sweet and said we still had time to see what it would do.
But all I wanted was just to go back to sleep.
We hung up the phone and I closed my eyes.
About five minutes passed...
and then I felt a gush.
For a second, I thought maybe the castor oil had done it's thing again.. but I also wasn't sure because it didn't quite feel like it came from that end...
Either way, grateful I had put on the Depends, I grunted myself out of bed and waddled myself to the bathroom. Standing there, I felt a bigger gush.
I looked and Wa-La! My water had broken.
I couldn't believe it.
My water broke without a hook.
The castor oil worked.
I called my midwife right back and told her my water had broken! She said that that was great and that labor would probably start on its own within 24 hours.
WUT.
It was about 3:00 in the afternoon and she said she had just started something that ended around 5 and then she'd head out, unless I called and told her to come sooner.
Trusting her completely, I agreed to keep her updated and hung up and then called Jaron.
He answered right away, and the phone call went something like this..
"My water broke!"
"Have you called your midwife?"
"Yes. She said she'd come out around 5 unless I called sooner."
"Okay well let me know."
WHAT DID HE THINK I WAS DOING. lol
I thought I WAS letting him know!!! 😂
Keeping calm, I got in the shower.
P.s. Grant and Grace were in the front room watching movies the whole time all this was happening. I have been blessed with such good, independent kids. They're so good at taking care of themselves and each other!
Sitting in the shower I realized that every time I moved, even just a little, more of my water would come out. I wasn't having contractions yet, but I decided to text Jaron and tell him to come home.
He responded,
"what's wrong?"
I seriously almost threw my phone lol
I didn't even bother responding to that.
I thought, if he comes. He comes. Whatever lol
But I knew that of course, he would come. He'd come even though I didn't text him back.
And he did. <3
Before Jaron got home though, I got out of the shower and began feeling contractions. I called Renee and told her that she had better come now and not wait until 5. {At this point it was 3:40}
I was having contractions and I wanted to sit on the toilet aka push.
She told me to lie down and she'd leave right away.
Contractions went from 0-100.
I laid on my bed and worked through contractions.. waiting for my midwives to get there.
The contractions were very, very, very strong.
I had to hum/breathe through them.
They were so strong that I threw up my peanut butter and jelly that I had eaten for lunch. {Again, not surprising to me because I also threw up shortly before Grace was born. It means your baby is coming soon!}
I remember wanting Jaron to just stay by me, but he was trying to set up the birth tub for me.
I remember Grace coming in and seeing me, and saying, "I don't like that noise" to which Jaron responded, "Grace, mommy is having the baby now. If you can't be supportive please leave." lol
I remember thinking to myself that this was nothing like labor with Grace. It was a million times stronger, but I wasn't surprised because I had never labored with waters already broken before. So this was an entirely new experience. I also wasn't in the birthing tub yet.
With Grace I was in the tub from transition until delivery.
I wanted the tub so bad.
But more than the tub, I wanted my midwives to arrive.
With each contraction that came I gripped the side of my bed hard. I needed to hold on to something.
Being on my bed felt like forever. I didn't want to lie there anymore. I wanted to get up but Renee told me to try to stay lying down until she got there.
Finally, they midwives and photographer all arrived.
I felt such relief to have them there.
I didn't see this, but right when she walked into our bedroom I heard Renee tell Jaron that he forgot the to put the liner in the tub before starting to fill it. Renee asked me if I wanted them to bail out the water and try and fill it, or if we should just forget about the tub.
I asked if we could try again to fill it up.
So my poor husband began barreling water out of the tub so that he could put the liner in and fill it up again.
Everyone got to work. I heard people shuffling around, preparing things and setting up, Amanda came and checked the baby's heartbeat and while she was doing that I threw up again.
Because everyone was there and accounted for, I finally could get out of the bed.
In a standing position, with my torso resting on my bed, I labored through a couple contractions.
The kids were watching movies in the front room. Jaron was setting up the tub. The midwives were still working on setting all of their stuff up. The tub wasn't even close to being filled up yet.
You guys. It's amazing what happens when instinct takes over.
I remember thinking {except it wasn't like thinking.. it was like... I was just... doing. I dont know how to explain it.}
I need to find a place.
I need a place.
So I knelt on my rocking chair, gently rocking through breaks between contractions, and then using the movement of my chair to help me be somewhat mobile during contractions.
I think I only was there for maybe four or five contractions.
I really appreciated my midwives during this. Whenever I had a contraction I felt someone stop whatever they were doing and come and place their hands on my back. It was so comforting and calming to know that they were there in that place with me.
*Side story..
This is something I didn't notice until after Via was born, but in the picture below you can kind of see an old stuffed dog on the rocking chair right by my head?
That really old stuffed dog is named Humble.
I didn't realize Humble was there while I was giving birth.
Humble was given to me by my Lola {Tagalog for Grandma}, my mom's mom, when I was a baby.
I've had him ever since.
Humble is someone that after all these years, I keep around. Sometimes when I am going through a hard time I will stumble upon Humble somewhere and see him and feel like my Lola is there on the other side helping me.
When my mom was here we talked a lot about the angels we thought would be present for Via's birth and of course my Lola was someone we knew would be there.
After I had Via I sat down and looked at the rocking chair where I had been and saw Humble right there. Grant must have put him there right before or something because like I said, I didn't know he was there until after.
It was so special.
I knew that my Lola was there with us that day.
And that rocking chair?
My dad bought that rocking chair for my mom when I was born.
Looooots of sentimentality. ❤
My contractions were very strong. Somehow I knew that it was all going to be over very very soon, even though labor had only just begun.
In my head I kept thinking that I needed to tell Jaron to stop trying to set up the tub and to come over to me.
But those words didn't come.
Another contraction came, and it felt better when I pushed. So I pushed.
and instead of being able to call to Jaron.. I said, "I'M PUSHING."
It was so fast that I heard my midwives scrambling to get something to put underneath me.
I was so surprised because as soon as I started to push with that contraction, I felt the baby's head begin to come out.
Once I felt the baby's head.. I wanted the baby out.
And I don't want you to read that and think, "oh my gosh. yes. that must have been hurting so bad of course you wanted it out!"
I didn't want the baby out because the pain was unbearable and I was going to die. No.
It's an amazing feeling.
I might be weird, but that moment that most women fear is the moment that I feel is the most sacred. For me, it's why {one of the many reasons why} I choose natural birth.
When you're pregnant, you can not literally feel your body making the baby. You don't. You can't. There are millions, seriously MILLIONS of things that happen within your body to form life and none of it is done consciously. It's a miracle from God and heaven.
It just happens.
The only things we feel when pregnant are sickness, aches.. even our stomachs get so much bigger and stretch.. we don't even feel that except maybe some itchiness. Our bones MOVE and yet we mostly go blissfully unaware.
The things your body does is amazing. It shouldn't work, but it does.
The feeling of your baby being born is unlike anything else you will ever experience. There aren't words that can help me explain just how incredible it is to feel your baby as he or she is coming to this world.
Coming to your family.
Coming to you.
For me, it is that very moment that my soul comes to truly know another soul.
I feel every single part of them in the most complete way anyone can, just as they have felt and known life completely inside of me.
I believe and feel that the heavens actually open, and angels place hands on you..
The divinity of motherhood is often spoken of. I have always loved how motherhood is described as a partnership with God. I often receive comments on how I am brave, or strong, or amazing.. but it's not me.
When it's time for the baby to leave my body, I feel a strength far beyond my own. For a few seconds, I feel so tangibly that partnership with God.
and after only minutes.. it's already over.
Our precious Via's birth happened so fast.
Too fast.
But it was still perfect.
She was born after only about two hours after I called my midwife, at 5:22pm.
And yes, I was totally wrong! After months of being completely convinced I was having a boy, it was so fun for me, myself, to be the one to announce that she was a girl! I was so so surprised!
I moved to my cozy bed and began trying to feed Via.
Grant and Grace came back and met her. Grant instantly fell in love, and Grace wasn't quite sure just yet.
Jaron held her, we cut the umbilical chord.. all the fun stuff that happens after every birth.
The moments after birth are soooooo awesome. I may turn into a birth junkie just because you feel sooooooooooooooooooo good afterward. That feeling of euphoria and just cloud nine happiness? Its real. So real. I'ts funny because I feel so happy, so content and crazy amounts of peace... yet I simultaneously feel like I could lift up a car. lol
Those endorphins.. it's the goods.
I also just feel so much love! So much love for everyone. But I especially felt so much love for Jaron. I just kept telling him over and over how much I loved him. He laughed every time and I think it's because the big bad pregnant monster finally went away lolI will be the first to admit that I don't think I was very nice during this pregnancy.
Anyway..
Via ate a little, we rested.. I ate pizza and salad and chocolate.. which was so yummy!
I was so happy that I had my dream birth. There's nothing like having baby surrounded by your family, being in your own place, and being able to just hop right in your very own bed right away. :)
It was the absolute best!
After a little while the midwives weighed little Via. El, my awesome photographer, captured my face as the midwives giggled and announced that Via actually wasn't so little! Via weighed in at 10 lbs 10 oz!It was funny because Jaron kept joking that he was waiting for a kid to beat his own birth weight of 10 lbs 2 oz....
well.
Via crushed it. lol
She's a big baby, yes.. but she's little to me. :)
She was born healthy, strong and so so sweet.
It's been so amazing having her join our family.
She's such a good baby. such a CHILL baby.
She sleeps so well at night, she only wakes up a few times to eat and be changed. After that she goes right back to sleep! And since she has been born she hasn't even wanted a pacifier. That's how chill she is.
It's also been fun to see how Grant and Grace kind of grew up over night. They both are so helpful and have really stepped up. Grace took a little bit but she warmed right up to Via and now loves to hold her for long looooong times!
Looking back, it humbling to see that God doesn't always give you what you want.
But he always gives you what you NEED.
... and I guess in this case He gives you what you want too.. because I was able to have my home birth and we didn't have to go to the hospital after all. :)
I have gotten a lot of questions about her name and where it comes from, but there isn't really any special story or reason behind her name. Via and Jeanene are just names that I had heard and liked a lot, and they happened to sound great together. ;)
Jaron wasn't on board at first and that's why she wasn't officially Via until the next Sunday after we had her...but to me she was Via all along. ❤
I know this was so long!
But if you've made it this far, thanks for sticking around.
We love you all and are so grateful for your love and support!
We have the best family and friends.
Thank you.
Love,
Carmina