I wanted to have a scripture as our theme or motto. I decided on 2 Nephi 4:5.
I know that if ye are brought up
in the way ye should go
ye will not depart from it.
We recited it every day that we did school.
I'd say a few words and the kids would repeat after me.
I never expected them to memorize it...
...but that's exactly what happened.
This week we officially started homeschooling! Grant in Kindergarten, Grace- Pre-k.
The state of California requires you to register and name your school. For weeks I wondered what I should call it. I really needed it to be something meaningful. A constant reminder to me why I'm choosing this path for my family.
I didn't stress too much about it.. I figured it would come to me.
I was on Instagram one day when I saw this quote and it stirred up the warmth in my soul, and made my heart pound, almost as if my heart were applauding in agreement to the words I was reading.
Someone had so perfectly and so eloquently created a beautiful metaphor depicting my why.
"People often say to me, "you can't keep your children in a bubble".
And I reply,
"It's not a bubble, it's a greenhouse."
A bubble stifles growth and blocks out nutrients.
A greenhouse provides an environment
for cultivation.
Children's hearts need to be "greenhoused" before they're
ready to be transplanted out into
the world. We release when their roots are deep and they
are mature enough to withstand
the storms, not beforehand.
While they're still under our protection,
we take the responsibility for engaging them in
learning about different cultures,
ideologies and values. They should only know worldly teachings
enough that they will be inoculated against them.
It's neither parenting out of fear or legalism,
nor going to the opposite extreme of
being too permissive.
No, our kids shouldn't grow up in a bubble.
But they shouldn't be left exposed to the harsh outside elements either.
The greenhouse of our home has all the
right conditions for those young seeds to grow and flourish."
It was perfect.
And it went right along with our scripture that the kids and I had memorized!
And so... the name came!
And it went right along with our scripture that the kids and I had memorized!
And so... the name came!
Before I talk any more about homeschooling, I want to preface this with another quote that I saw on social media from Called to Mothering:
"If I talk about the benefits of homeschooling, I'm not putting your choice down.
If I tell you about the freedom and flexibility it affords us,
I'm not saying the other options don't have any merit.
If I say that home education has led to strong family relationships and a love for learning,
I'm not implying that you're a bad parent.
Or that I'm somehow better, or more qualified, or more dedicated to my kids.
If you tell me how wonderful it was that your son or daughter led a classmate to Christ, or how great it was that their teacher was able to pray with them about a test,
I'm not going to step on your toes and interject with,
"You know, public school isn't a good fit for every child,
and not everyone can afford private school."
I'm going to smile, and be happy for you. Because that's what I'd hope you would do for me."
This week has honestly been one of the best weeks of my life. Trust me, I'm completely shocked.
I have not been gung-ho about homeschool. Not from the start, and not even toward the end.
Grant and Grace were born 16 months apart, so believe me. As soon as I got pregnant with Grace I would daydream about the day that I would send Grant off to school.
Last year when we knew we were moving to California, Jaron said that he felt like I should probably homeschool the kids.
"Yeah maybe." I said.
"Yeah right." I thought.
The idea floated around in my head like a cheap kite on a too-windy day. Sometimes the wind would pick up the idea and the homeschooling kite would soar. I'd begin to feel confident and courageous so I'd let out a little more string, sending the kite higher. Until the kite would suddenly dive-bomb, hard and fast, straight into the ground.
"Big nope."
I flew my homeschooling kite like this for a long time.
During the October Session of General Conference last year, the wind picked up my kite.
The church was going to be more home-centered.
"Homeschool them". The still small voice would say.
The home is a sanctuary. A place where you can be safe from the influences of the increasingly wicked world.
"Homeschool them."
During every talk, the spirit found a way to weasel that thought in.
I knew it was what I was supposed to do.
It wasn't just Jaron asking me to homeschool.
It was God.
So we plugged along and practiced homeschool here and there.
And then I got more pregnant.
And then I got more emotional.
And then it rained for three straight months and we were stuck inside and Grant and Grace seemed IMPOSSIBLE to manage.
And my kite hit the ground. And didn't fly again for a almost four months.
After Via was born, I had completely given up on the idea of homeschooling. So I began the preparations to enroll Grant in the public school a few blocks away.
It was the only viable option we had. Charter schools and/or enrolling him in a different district was out of the question. Too many contingencies each day. There would be no way we could develop a sustainable routine with how often Jaron's school schedule changes, traffic in Cali, the new baby, Grace.. getting five people out the door two times a day, gas money... whoa. Craziness!
I had to talk myself out of the bad feelings I was having the entire process.
When we went to the dentist.
When I filled out the paperwork.
When we went in for the physical.
The entire time I was uneasy and felt a rock in the pit of my stomach.
"Every mom feels this." I would say to myself.
"He's going to school for the first time. Every mom feels this." Over and over I would repeat it like a mantra.
I had one thing left to do. Schedule the final appointment to turn in all the paperwork, and officially enroll him. Because I have two kids and a baby, I have to put reminders in my phone for just about everything or I WILL forget.
the words REGISTER GRANT were typed in a big ugly sans font, that glared at me daily through my glowing screen. Every time I saw the words I felt sick. So I would put it off for another day.
The days became weeks.
One night, right before bed, the words glared at me again. They bore into my stomach and lodged a thick murky sludge there, that began to churn in an unremitting rhythm. I felt so yucky inside. I realized that I had felt yucky for a long time. I just kept talking myself out of it.
It's like that plastic container in the back of your fridge.
You know the one.
The one that has been left there for so long that you're now afraid to open it and see what kind of nasty it has grown into, what kind of nappy fuzzy mold or fungus you've managed to produce unwittingly.
That night it was like the container was opened and my face was shoved into it.
I felt so physically ill.
I wanted it to go away. Directing my thoughts above, I asked..
"Should I homeschool him?"
Instantaneous peace.
At the question alone.
The icky murky sludge was gone.
The fear.
The anxiety.
It vanished completely and was replaced by so much love and comfort that once again, the wind picked up my homeschooling kite.
I decided to use The Good and The Beautiful Curriculum. I had heard amazing things about it for years, and so without a doubt that's what I decided on! I ordered all of the supplies, updated my school board and got ready.
Like I said before, this has been the most amazing week of my life! It has been so much fun, and I feel so fulfilled, and so accomplished. It's funny because this whole time I honestly thought this would be something that although I knew it was what the Lord wanted me to do, I would have to endure it like a trial.
But once again, I am humbled by God's foresight and knowledge of me because Homeschooling has been SO MUCH FUN! FOR ME. {the kids are having fun too, of course, but I especially am!!} I also feel like I am the mother that I've always wanted to be.
I am more patient and more kind. I've also been like CRAZY productive all week. lol Not just with school, but around the house and everything.
I know that all of that is because of Morning Time.
I sit on the floor in our front room and Grant and Grace both sit on my lap. They both have their tiny pocket-sized Books of Mormon and I let them flip to whatever page they want, and pick whatever verse they want. Then, I read a few words and they repeat after me. Then, while still holding them on my lap, I say a morning prayer for us as we start the day.
The spirit is so strong in those few minutes every morning.
So incredibly strong.
Every. Morning.
Typing this now is bringing tears to my eyes.
Heavenly Father is so good. He is good to me. He's so good to our family. He is merciful and for as long as I live, no matter how incompetent I feel, no matter how much I don't want to do it, I am going And in this case, I know it is for Grant and Grace too. It's for them and the countless lives that they're going to touch and influence when the day comes that I re-pot these precious ones outside of the Greenhouse.
-Carmina