I have never worked so hard on a project before in my ENTIRE life. I start lots of projects and never finish.. but I think those days are behind me! I feel so accomplished and the personal growth!
In July of this year I decided to make Treva a quilt for Christmas.
Pat's unexpected passing has been a hard loss. I could forsee Christmas being hard and different without him. He and Treva always made Christmas so so special for all of us. They went above and beyond to make each year Christ-centered, fun and memorable. As early as July I began to dread Christmas for that reason. Without Pat, it will be different.
My mind went to the idea of making a quilt because my initial thought was it could put a little cheer onto her empty-ish bed during the Christmas season when Pat's absence would be keenly felt.
His passing has been a difficult thing for me. So if anything, this project was a really good thing for me. It has been a beautiful way for me to deal with my own grief. A "beauty for ashes" thing for sure.
Never have I hand-bound a quilt until now! I LOVED it. It was like magic seeing it all come together. And I cant write any more without first mentioning the miracles.
The first miracle is that this quilt was everything I could possibly do BUT- I couldnt have done it alone. Haley was born in JUNE. I began the quilt when she was one month old! So I have a few people to give HUGE credit to- or it would have been impossible.
First- Grace! Grace helped with the baby SO MUCH so that I could work on this quilt. She'd hold Haley for hours and hours so I could keep working at it. She basically would do everything for Haley except feed her. She was amazing and a huge huge huge help! It would have been impossible without Grace.
Second- Nancy Shulz. My dear friend Nancy is one of the most kind and selfless friends I have ever known. She not only has a long-arm machine but when the kids got super sick and my time was running out- she quilted it for me in ONE DAY. She provided the service absolutely free even though we tried to pay or trade her. She also provided the batting and she attached the binding for me so all I had to do was hand bind for the finish. I met Nancy because she is one of Jaron's patients. She is so wonderful. A quilt this size wouldnt have been possible without her and her long arm machine! She saved my bacon for sure.
I also have to thank Kayli for helping me sort through different options of arranging the quilt blocks. She helped me cause I couldn't look at it anymore!
Mary Sorensen offered to help but I was behind when she was in town. BUT she was my tutor and cheerleader all along the way.
I have these cute tags that say "made with Love for you by Carmina" for me to put on the Quilts I make BUT because so much of my ability to do this depended on the sacrifice of others- I didnt put the tag on.
One of the coolest things about this quilt are the lessons I learned. The "sermon in that" as President Anderson says.
Once I started sewing the pieces together I realized many mistakes had been made along the way. These mistakes were affecting how the quilt was lining up.... or rather- NOT lining up. Turns out, Elder Uchtdorf knows what he is talking about. Even a 1% deviation- or in this case a 1/4 of an inch deviation may seem like a small mistake but down the way it ends up by making you off by A LOT.
Heres a picture to show what I mean:
Thats bad news because Quilts are supposed to be square and that meant I was going to either have to leave out entire rows OR... CUT.
Mary assured me it would turn out and be okay in the end.
Once I finished with the binding and was finally done, I took a good look at it and I realized she was right.
Even with the mistakes... it is full, FULL of love. And that makes it perfect.
I think God knows we are like Quilts.
We make tons of little mistakes, maybe even some big ones too.. but once the process is complete.. once we are "finished", we will be full of love too. And thats when we will be perfect- mistakes and all.
The mistakes are still on this quilt. They will be there forever and if you look close enough, youll find plenty. But looking at the finished piece, you dont even notice the mistakes. You just see the overall beauty of what it IS. And that includes the mistakes too.
Mary kept saying "dont worry. It will literally come out in the wash"
I think we took will "come out in the wash" as we have faith in Jesus Christ we will be made perfect by our washing in His blood- we are made perfect in the end.
So we dont have to worry so much.
I think I will try to stop worrying so much about my "performance" here on earth. Get comfortable with the fact that perfection doesnt come here, and to 'just keep going' and FINISH. (Aka endure to the end, or fight the good fight and keep the faith!)
This quilt taught me that.
I cant wait to give it to Treva tomorrow.
