Our sweet Grace's birth was absolutely surreal. I wish I could re-live it over and over again; and in fact- at night when I'm up feeding her, I find that I think about her birth a lot.. trying to memorize every moment and every detail.
I know many women often aren't blessed with the births that they want, but I am so so beyond happy that I got the exact birth that I wanted with Grace. It couldn't have been more perfect!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, May 25
I was antsy. The baby's due date was fast approaching and I absolutely was adamant that I was not going to go over it. I was so impatient that I convinced my midwife Cyndi to let me take castor oil.
So in high hopes that the baby would be born that day, at 10am I took 2 oz (That's a 1/4 of a cup people.) of nasty, nappy castor oil.
I sat and waited and waited for that magic juice to bring me my baby. Everything online said that castor oil would almost for sure put you into labor.
I was excited!
3:00 pm rolled around and still, nothing had happened. So I took another dose just like Cyndi instructed. I thought for sure that two doses would do it... but guess what? No baby.
I guess she just wasn't ready for us quite yet. :)
My midwife told me that we'd check how the baby was doing at my appointment on Thursday, and if she looked ready we would do a stretch and sweep on Friday morning. She said very seldom would a stretch and sweep not put you into labor- so that gave me hope! There was a light at the end of the tunnel!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thursday, May 28
I was so excited for my appointment! I was so so excited to see how the baby had progressed! To me, I definitely felt that my body was ready to have her, so I was banking on some good news.
Cyndi checked me and was so surprised to see that not only was her head low, but I was dilated to 3-4 cm!
I double fisted the air. The words were music to my ears.
Cyndi told me to come in the next morning at 10 am for the stretch and sweep. Before we left she told us to enjoy our last night as a family of three!
We went to Applebee's. :)
We celebrated with Wings, Pasta, and Steak with looooots of A1. Grant celebrated by eating almost a whole cup of ranch with his celery! That silly boy :)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Friday, May 29
At 10 am, my mom, Grant and I were at the Birth Sweet ready to go. We did the stretch and sweep and Cyndi told us to go walk for 20-30 minutes. After the walk, I still wasn't having contractions so Cyndi suggested I to go home and rest. She said that if nothing happened, I would come in again the next morning to try again. I was kind of disappointed that she had said that because I had already had my "last night as a family of 3 celebration". It was supposed to happen that day!!
We went home and I really didn't feel much. No contractions or anything.
I tried really hard to keep it together and not mope.
Jaron got home from work around 4 and we went to Costco to stock up on wipes. After Costco we came home and I started on dinner.
While making dinner I noticed that my body was doing something.
My tummy would tighten, and my lower back would feel sore BUT- it wasn't painful. Like, not at all.
I started timing them and they were coming almost 5 minutes apart. I called my midwife and told her what was happening. I really didn't think I was in labor- I wasn't completely sure that what I was feeling were contractions.
She told me to take a warm bath and that would tell me where we were at. If the "contractions" went away, then I wasn't in labor. If they stayed then I very well could be in labor. She told me to call back within the hour.
After my bath the sensations I was feeling still hadn't gone away and they actually had gotten a little stronger. I was convinced then that they were indeed contractions!
Then they started coming every 3 minutes!
I called my midwife back and she was so excited because it was finally time! She was going to assemble her birthing assistant and we were going to meet at the Birth Sweet... and we were going to have a baby!
It was around 7 pm and at this point, we were waiting for my mom to get back from visiting her friend's so that we could leave. Grant was peacefully sleeping, completely unaware that our lives were about to change.
Jaron was the picturesque "frazzled-dad-running-around-the-house" and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. :) I was sitting on the couch, loving every contraction that came, because I knew that I was going to meet my precious baby that night.
My mom arrived and Jaron and I were off!
I remember telling Jaron that I couldn't believe I was really in labor because I thought the contractions would hurt worse than they were.
We arrived at the Birth Sweet and it was a clear beautiful evening. The perfect night to have a baby!
Once we got to the Birth Sweet, I decided it was completely pointless to time my contractions.
My midwife had already started preparations- the tub was getting filled, and Jaron and I were making the space our own. My sister-in-law Marissa/photographer for the night was on her way, and she was bringing Harry Potter movies because honestly was getting bored just waiting!
I only watched maybe a half hour of HP and the Goblet of Fire before I got sick of it. It wasn't setting off the right mood, so I turned it off and dimmed all the lights.
I labored in just about every position. For a while, I just wanted to be on a chair. It may have looked uncomfortable but I was actually quite happy there! I sat and breathed through contractions while we all talked and joked and laughed. It was such good company and everyone was in high spirits because of the new life we were about to welcome to the world... I was loving it.
I thought it was funny that she kept saying that.
When I think back, I was so smiley because I was loving my experience.
I loved that I was free. I could get up and do whatever I wanted, when I wanted.
I wasn't confined in any way.
I loved that it was quiet, peaceful and I could feel the spirit.
I was surrounded by my loving husband, my wonderful midwife, her spunky and hilarious assistant April, and my sister Marissa-- all people who I love, and have come to love, so much.
 |
| My midwife Cyndi Johnson and her assistant April Davis |
I loved that I could feel.
I can't explain it you guys... but it just felt so wonderful to feel.
I felt at one with my mind, spirit and body. All were working perfectly together for the birth of this baby.
As my contractions started to feel stronger, I no longer wanted to be in a chair. I found my sweet spot hanging out in a doorway, and me and that doorway got real close for a while there- we were buds. ;) I would go through each contraction holding to the doorway and up on my tippy toes. I hung out there for a while!
He was so wonderful during the whole birth. I couldn't have married a better man. He was everything I needed. Just the way he always is.
The contractions became very strong, and I knew I was getting close. My midwife checked me and I was dilated to 6 cm!
I was really having to concentrate during the contractions. I realized why you hear people say "focus on your breathing."
Labor felt nothing like I imagined it would.
You see women in labor in movies and you hear stories and you imagine the worse pain in the world. I mean I haven't ever really had a lot of painful things happen to me in my life- I've never broken a bone or been severely burned or anything like that.. so I don't have a lot to compare my pain scale to.. but for me, I don't even want to use the word pain. That doesn't describe it for me.
The word 'pain' has such a negative connotation.
I loved and enjoyed what I felt. I knew each contraction brought me closer and closer to meeting my daughter. So I welcomed them. Contractions were my friends! They were going to make me not pregnant!
I remember that my stomach and back would get really tight. They'd get so tight that Jaron and Marissa could literally see when I was having a contraction. This tightness is what made it difficult- it was like auto had been shut off, and I was having to manually breathe.
In through nose.
Down.
Fill lungs.
Up.
Out through mouth.
Empty lungs.
Repeat.
Labor had hit it's peak. I was ready to get into the tub.
As soon as I got in, it was truly the definition of an "aaaaaahhhhhhh" moment.
The water was warm and feeling it instantly made my whole body relax. It was so cozy!
The water lifted all the weight off of me (for a pregnant woman that's a BIG deal.) and I felt wonderfully light. It was so nice to be so agile. Being in the water made changing positions extremely easy, so I was here and there and able to move effortlessly and quickly.
The contractions were strong. Very strong.
So strong that I started keeping to myself.
I wasn't talking to anyone anymore, and I wasn't hearing whatever they were talking about.
I really had to go within myself to focus and keep my mind in the right place.
I prayed a lot during this time.
I started feeling like I didn't know what I was doing.
I felt like I was doing something wrong. I mean, this was my first natural birth.. so I didn't know how to do it.
I kept telling myself that I was doing fine, and not to give up. I prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would help me know what to do and when to do it, and to help me be strong because I was starting to get tired.
During the most challenging part of labor, it truly felt as if it was just me God.
I felt like I was in the tub forever, and I started to get antsy. I was ready for this baby to get out.
I was tired, and I was ready for labor to be over.
My mind just started going all over the place.
I didn't know if I wanted to get out of the tub, or stay in.. or what.
I think my instincts were kind of saying, "hey. get okay. your baby is coming."
I got my head in place and decided that I was going to have her in the tub. I knew whether I got in or out the sensations weren't going to stop or feel any less intense (if anything, they'd probably feel more intense out of the water, and I wasn't willing to take a gamble on that) and I really liked the weightlessness of the tub so I stayed in the water.
The contractions made me want to push. It felt better when I pushed.
But something wasn't quite feeling right, so instead of big pushes I was just doing little mini ones.
This went on for a while, and to me it felt like the longest part of it all. (when in reality this was probably only for maybe half an hour)
. . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, May 30
I was getting really really really tired.A contraction would start and I would be completely exhausted by the middle of it.
I tried to get the most out of my rests between contractions.
As each contraction came and I pushed, it still didn't feel right.
Cyndi checked me to see what was going on and was amazed because everything was ready- but my water still hadn't broken, and that's what we had been waiting on! She couldn't believe that it still hadn't ruptured and said that I surely had membranes of steel.
She asked me if I wanted her to break my water and without hesitation I said, "yes!" I said yes so fast I don't even remember saying it.
As soon as she broke my water I knew that that's what was missing. That's what I needed.
It only took me two minutes to get her out after my water broke.
Actually birthing her was a feeling that I can't describe.. It was challenging (but aren't all the best things in life?) and it was amazing. I felt so strong. My body felt so strong. I felt her as she was coming out and it was so beautiful. I knew when her head came out, and when her shoulders came.
Then I remember hearing a faint "Get your baby.." from my midwife.
I reached down and I guided my baby up to my chest, and into my arms.
Nobody took her away. Nobody prodded us. Nobody was shouting stats. No bright lights were shined in our faces. And there weren't a thousand unnecessary strangers shuffling in and out of the room.
I looked down and I studied my baby as we waited for her umbilical chord to stop pulsing.
Little round head, two eyes, my nose, two ears, and beautiful pouty lips.
Two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes.
It was indeed a baby girl.
She was turning a beautiful shade of pink and she was breathing.
She was absolutely perfect.
It was peace.
Her in my arms and Jaron beside me.
No noise but the sound of the first breaths she'd take in this world.
The heavens were opened for a brief moment, and we met the sweet spirit Heavenly Father entrusted to us.
Grace Emmalyn Hughes was born.
She weighed 8 lbs. and 4 oz. She was 19'' long.
Our prayers for months and months were answered. Labor and delivery went swimmingly (lol. not a good time for a joke but I couldn't help it!) and we had a healthy baby. The best part- I felt absolutely GREAT! I was so happy. I was on a cloud higher than nine. I was beyond happy, actually.
Euphoria. Pure euphoria.
I remember looking at Jaron and just saying,
"I did it."
"I did it."
I think I was saying it more to myself than I was to him. I felt so accomplished. I felt confident and pleased. I felt like I truly could do anything!
I also felt some other things that I completely wasn't expecting to feel...
I found a love for my body, exactly the way it was.
This is a big deal for me because prior to this I had been like every other woman who hates and despises her body and the way it looks.
After giving birth to Grace.. I absolutely fell in love with my body. I felt a deep respect for it. I felt extremely grateful for it. No wonder I agreed to come to this world to get it. I am still in awe to this moment over what my body was able to do. I was able to endure the birth of a child, and then feel completely whole and amazing afterward!
Heavenly Father is truly a master of design, and I am so glad that I chose to experience a natural childbirth. I would do it every day if I could! I know that we need to wait a while... but honestly- I can't wait to do it all again.
Love,
Carmina Joy
P.S. I am working on a post to tell you why I chose a natural birth, that will come soon. :) If you have any questions about it please ask! I would love to incorporate it into the post! :)