Were you ever bullied?
This morning we rehearsed our “No Bullying” Assembly, because tonight we'll be performing it for the
last time this semester. And this was on my mind on the way home..
last time this semester. And this was on my mind on the way home..
I imagined an elementary school aged girl. She's got a crooked smile; her teeth are all different sizes
I've been bullied for over four years now.
A barrage of words dripping with venom has constantly been targeting me.
This bully is so harsh, and SO mean to me.
"you let your kids watch too much TV today"
"your daughter has tangles in her hair, how could you let her go out like that?"
"they don't eat enough vegetables, you're not feeding them right"
Everything she says all basically means to same thing.
"Carmina, you're screwing up your kids."
The problem with bullying is (we all know this) the longer someone is bullied.. they start to believe
I'm not immune.
I started to believe her.
I believed every word.
It makes me push the snooze button on my alarm at least 5 times every morning.
I don't want to get up and be that bad mom that I am.
It makes me feel hollow. Like nothing I do will ever be enough. Even if I manage to do something
good, like do a craft with my kids.. she has something to say.
If you haven't figured it out by now- I'll let you in on the moment of clarity that I had this morning.
I'M the bully.
I bully myself.
I've bullied myself hard since the day Grant was born. As time has gone on.. it's just gotten worse
“No. You know what. So he doesn't want to wear socks. I let him dress himself. Even if
from her baby teeth falling out and her new teeth coming in. She has a sparkle of innocence
in her eyes. She is so little.
There is another girl who is just relentless at school. Super mean. Way harsh. Constantly rips into her.
If someone is mean to you like that, like the pretend bully girl in my story.. it makes you not
want to go to school. It makes you not want to show up and do what you're supposed to,
or even what you'd like to. Like recess.
Even the one thing this young girl might have looked forward to and loved at one point--
she dreads and hates it now.
she dreads and hates it now.
Because of the bully.
She's everywhere.
There's no hiding from her.
And the longer it goes on.. the worse and worse this bully gets.
The meaner she becomes. As if she couldn't possibly be any more awful..
she finds a way.
This morning I realized...
I'm being bullied.
For FOUR years.
All the time, she tells me with the roll of her eyes that I'm a bad mom. She never misses an
opportunity to make me feel bad-
opportunity to make me feel bad-
what is being said.
"Wow. Look at you doing a craft with your kids. You know, other moms, BETTER moms than you, do this every day. Not once every 6 months. You're a joke."
and worse. Now he's 4, and Grace is almost 3, and I think it's reached its pinnacle.
Every day feels like a bad one.
Even if it's not- the bully in me makes it so.
I'm sharing this because I have this feeling… that I'm not the only one who is bullying themselves.
I recognized the issues, but I never figured out the problem. And it became so clear to me this
morning as I was praying and praying to be a better mom (like I always do) I had the distinct
feeling that I needed to re-define what I thought a good mom was. And that even if I saw a good
mom, I'd never be able to see it in myself. Because I've got this big nasty bully in my head, that I
let stay there.
morning as I was praying and praying to be a better mom (like I always do) I had the distinct
feeling that I needed to re-define what I thought a good mom was. And that even if I saw a good
mom, I'd never be able to see it in myself. Because I've got this big nasty bully in my head, that I
let stay there.
I lost my nerve and my will to fight her.
But not anymore.
I'm going to stand up to her today.
When Grant is adamant that he doesn't want to wear socks with his tennis shoes and we go
out in public and she tries to tell me how I am an awful, neglecting mom who doesn't care
about her kids enough to dress them properly, I'm going to stand up to her and say,
he wants to wear swim trunks inside out in the winter I let him. And I let him because it
makes him happy when he dresses himself. It makes him smile a huge smile that makes
his cheeks extra adorably chubby. And I don't want him learning that he has to dictate
his life based on what everyone else thinks of him. So he wears no socks with tennis
shoes sometimes. Deal with it.”
out in public and she tries to tell me how I am an awful, neglecting mom who doesn't care
about her kids enough to dress them properly, I'm going to stand up to her and say,
he wants to wear swim trunks inside out in the winter I let him. And I let him because it
makes him happy when he dresses himself. It makes him smile a huge smile that makes
his cheeks extra adorably chubby. And I don't want him learning that he has to dictate
his life based on what everyone else thinks of him. So he wears no socks with tennis
shoes sometimes. Deal with it.”
Everything I do- she has something to say. And today, I'm not letting it go any further.
Today I'm telling her to step down.
Today I'm breaking the chains that weigh me down and bind me to her.
Today I'm DONE believing what she says.
It's not going to be easy. I know that bullies don't go down without a fight, and I'm sure
she'll always be around and try to bring me down, but I'm going to practice ignoring her.
she'll always be around and try to bring me down, but I'm going to practice ignoring her.
I'm going to let it go in one ear and out the other.
I'm going to practice being KIND to myself.
Being COMPASSIONATE and LOVING.
Being NICE.
I once read a quote that said,
“Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.”
I'm going to imagine that elementary school aged girl. I'm going to try and see her face in my mind
every time I'm tempted to think a negative thought about myself.
Would I EVER say those things, if I had the chance to actually talk to a younger me?
Would I ever be that mean to her?
Absolutely not! I can't imagine it!
Well. She is me.
So. I need to be kind.
If you’ve got the same problem as me-- I think you should stand up to your bully today too.
-C