I feel like my life lately is experiencing a "time of refreshing" like the one spoken of in Acts 3:19! It is a really exciting time for me! However, the sweet fruit isn't without a bitter rind.
These past couple years as I have changed, I have felt change in a lot of things- especially relationships. Some relationships have stayed the same, others have gone stale, some have lost their savor, yet interestingly, unexpected friendships have blossomed- I am reminded of something my dad used to always say to me:
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Earlier this year I did spend some time mourning for the friendships lost and the ones that have waned in strength. However, like how ridiculous touching a hot stove would be after experiencing first hand by accident, knowing how painful it is to do so- I can never go back to being who I was before. And the people who walk away because they don't like who I am becoming?
Just part of life I guess.
I feel a sense of freedom actually- typing what I type; I know that the only people who are going to see it are the people who are true friends and show up. Friends who remain despite differences in opinion or lifestyle. Ooooor maybe this is just for myself and I'm the only one who will read it... either way. I feel really happy with this new-found freedom!
In a video series that I really like to watch on Youtube, the "Happy Lady" shares the opinion that 2020 is the year of "The Lord's Perfect Vision"... that one silver lining of this year is that things {friendships included} are able to be clearly seen as they really are.
Aaanyway.
I haven't posted in a really long time, similar to 2018 but even MORESO, this has been a year of tremendous GROWTH! Hence- the silence.
Here's what I've been up to:
Didn't like homeschool. But I do adore educating our children at home!
I didn't understand why the Lord worked so hard on me to keep Grant home last year- but with 2020.....now I do! Hindsight always 20-20 😋! Perfect vision! See? 😉I feel so fortunate to have already had that first year of home school under my belt. I am also grateful to my wonderful friends who also have chosen to follow that prompting because they have been such valuable lights on the path for me! That first year was indeed, "homeschool". But yikes- it was not always enjoyable. It was mostly a fight, and often I lost control of my temper and became irritable and frustrated. So. It was a bit of a train wreck but we LEARNED so much! {Should I do a longer post about this? Leave a comment below if you are interested in a more detailed post about last year's homeschool flop and how it pointed the direction for what we do now.} From here on out you probably won't hear me call what we do, "homeschool" anymore because we aren't "schooling" them anymore!
We have chosen to educate. 💛
Instead of telling them what to think, we have decided to teach them how to think.
Part of the reason this is so exciting is because I did not receive an education myself, so we are learning every day, together!! There isn't quite a word to describe what we do because it is so perfectly unique to our family and that is one of the things I treasure most about it! No two families are exactly the same, no two children are exactly the same. So the education of children should look so different! If you're curious about what we do, feel free to reach out! I LOVE talking about it! It's a mix of a lot of different things but we follow the Thomas Jefferson Education model- and so far... IT'S BEEN PERFECT!!!! We love what our life looks like, every single day!
Every single day we are growing and learning together. We learn through classic books- passports through time and to any place in the world, and from the best teacher of all- LIFE.
It is so organic and lovely I can't even handle it. I have found so much joy!
I feel this joy is because this is exactly how Heavenly Father teaches us.
No forcing facts, no arbitrary and harmful deadlines...
Line upon line, precept upon precept... like a summer shower giving us each hour his wisdoooom 🎵 {we can totally be friends if you get the reference hehe} and He always respects our agency.
He gives us what we need as we are ready for it. He doesn't ever tell us we are "too late", or "not doing enough". and of course He does this, through letting us come down to earth and learn from the best teacher... life!
We have been able to spend much of this year with our families- more time in Nevada than California actually... It has been wonderful to strengthen those family relationships. It was been wonderful to be back home for a time. I personally feel that when we live in The Millennium and Jesus Christ again lives on the earth- I hope that I am able to live near not only my families, but my friends who have also become so close that they feel like family! I hope everyone I love is just a hop skip and jump away!
Jaron just passed his first round of his Chiropractic boards!
I stumbled across this short post from three years ago. For a moment, I'd like to talk to myself...
Yup. You were right Carmina.
Someday, you would look back on that post. That day, was today. I had completely forgotten I wrote that- sometimes I'm really glad I take the time to blog. But yes, you were right.
I know you feel like your life is complete. You love where you live, you mostly love your life. But this isn't it. There is so much more!
Some days, I know you feel so depressed you can't even move.
You're on medication for that depression- I know your dose is actually very very high.
You feel no self worth and your confidence is shot, I know you are constantly constantly reaching, reaching, reaching for worth. You do everything in your power to fool yourself and everyone around you but at the end of the day- you have nothing but the truth staring at you in the mirror.
All of the things that you think bring you happiness: habits, the way you think, the goals you set, your desires for your life... these things are actually the shackles that are keeping you prisoner.
You know how you think you are moving deeper into Hurricane?
Just wait.
That falls through.
You end up miraculously moving to Ivins, and there you think you'll spend the next 5 years while Jaron attends medical school.
Just wait.
haha!
That isn't it either.
The Lord is going to take you to the most unlikely place, to introduce you to the most wonderful people, to teach you what you need to know to unshackle yourself. It is a beautiful, beautiful ride. It is bumpy, it is hard, there are many tears, but oh. You grow. You become new. {AND you are completely off medication! whaaaa!? It's true!}
It makes me laugh. I thought I knew what was going to unfold in my life, and it ended up by going somewhere completely different.
I'm so grateful it did.
I have loved each year since 2017 even more than the last.
2018 was crushing, but I loved it.
2019 was grueling, but I loved it even more.
2020 has been unbelievable, and here I am, filled with more joy and peace than I have ever felt before!
The years have gotten harder, and yet, I have felt completely whole through all of it. Why?
Easy- Newton's law. Every action has an equal and opposite, re-action. The greater the sorrow, the greater your capacity for joy.
I know that times are hard, I am not disputing that. Especially this year, what a doozy!
I have never faced so much uncertainty in my mortal life. We are surrounded by fires in California on top of a tyrannical state lockdown- it is apocalyptic in nature and scope. We spent the last few weeks separated from Jaron, and we have no idea what our future looks like. Prospects and dreams seem almost impossible now- with the economy, and general feeling of our nation.
But I know that this mortal life is nothing but a passing moment! I choose to put my faith and focus in my God who knows all things.
With that perspective- every day brings something exciting! I know that what we are seeing is only the beginning. The Lord will do some of His greatest miracles in the coming days, and I am so ready for it!
Here is the amazing sunset from tonight. As I have begun to more earnestly try to find Jesus Christ, I feel His spirit manifest all around us. Tonight- I felt the spirit of Christ in this sunset!
It reminded me of a quote that I love by Elizabeth Browning,
"Earth's crammed with heaven,
and every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees takes off his shoes..."
My ponderizing scripture for the week is in Abraham chapter two:
"Now, after the Lord had withdrawn from speaking to me,
and withdrawn his face from me, I said in my heart:
Thy servant has sought thee earnestly;
now I have found thee;"
Until next time,
Hurrah for Israel!
Carmina