Grant is getting to the age where he is trying to learn how to do all sorts of new things. One of those things.. is crawling.
If a toy is in front of Grant but just out of his reach, naturally, he will try to get it. He can get all the way up onto all fours, and he even wobbles forward and back.. but he can't quite master the crawling motions just yet. When he's up on his hands and knees, he will start to kick.. but for some weird reason it just makes him go backward instead of forward.
He will try and try and try for a bit, but after a while he will start to fuss.
Grant will look me in the eyes, and cry out his frustration. I can almost hear the words..
"Mom. Help me!"
"I know you can help me get this toy. I am stuck and can't do it."
"Mom I have been trying. Haven't you seen me trying? Now can you just help me a little?"
"Why aren't you doing anything?? Why are you just watching me cry?"
"Mom.. please, help me??"
But as a parent.. there are a couple things I know.
First, I know that if Grant just pushes himself just that little bit farther.. if he pushes himself beyond the point he feels like he can't reach, if he tries for just another few minutes.. he will reach that toy. I can literally see that he is pretty much there. He is basically crawling.
Second, I know that if I were to step in and push the toy into his reach myself, he will stop trying because he won't need to anymore. Thus, robbing him of his opportunities to grow and learn.
It is hard for me to sit and watch my precious boy crying on the floor. But I know how happy he will be once he can master this skill. I know how much it will help him, because it is a step in his life he needs to learn.. because next comes walking, running.. etc..
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There are times in my life when I say prayers that sound like...
"Father. Help me."
"I know you can help me. I am stuck, and I can't do it."
"Heavenly Father I have been trying. I know you've seen me trying. Now can you just help me a little?"
"Why aren't you doing anything? Can't you hear me??"
"Please Heavenly Father, help me."
And last night was one of those prayers.
But as my Heavenly Father, there are a couple things He knows.
First, He knows that if I push myself a little bit father, beyond the point I don't think I can reach.. I will become the mother that he needs me to be. The mother that my husband and future children will need me to be. He can see that I am almost there. He can see that... I can't.
Second, He knows if He were to step in, I would stop trying because I wouldn't need to anymore. Robbing me of my opportunity to grow and learn.
It is hard for him to sit there while I think He is ignoring my prayers. It is hard for Him to sit there and see me cry. But He knows how happy I will be once I learn what He is teaching me. Patience. Love. Meekness. Kindness. Forgiveness. He knows how much it will help me, because they are things I need to learn in this life. Because next comes judgement, heaven, eternities...
And so sometimes.. as a parent.. He lets me struggle. He lets me cry. But not because He isn't there, or because He isn't listening..
... it's because He is lovingly, and knowingly..giving me my opportunity to grow.