Art has come as second nature to me for as long as I can remember. I actually remember drawing my very first piece (you know, that wasn't scribbles).
Preserved by my mother, in my baby book, is a picture drawn with markers of two people parachuting out of an airplane down to their campsite. I was four when I drew it and I'm not kidding! I seriously remember drawing it.
I also remember my mom and how excited she was when I showed it to her. You'd think that I had correctly solved a long division problem the way she acted! I was happy that she was happy-
but I didn't feel as proud as she did because it was easy.
It was way easy to do. Why was it such a big deal?
As I grew up my talent grew too.
Once when I was in 7th grade I re-created Vincet Van Gogh's Irises because I seriously thought he was the craziest, coolest one-eared guy ever.
In High School, my best friend and I didn't write each other notes- we drew them. Oh you guys. These were elaborate notes. lol That's what I did in every single class. So- yeah. I don't know how to do algebra, even though I took three years of Spanish I can't speak it, and I absolutely failed chemistry but I can draw! lol
A few months ago I was teaching my sister in law how to watercolor. As we were sketching I could tell that she was getting really frustrated with herself.
Without hesitation I said,
"Oh and remember! If you're erasing more
than you're drawing- you're doing it right."
Do you ever say something and you feel like it wasn't you that said it?
That's what happened. I listened as the words came out and that saying stuck with me. It was like this crazy epiphany that I didn't even know that I knew all that time.
It resonated because I wasn't just saying it to make her feel better. It really is true!
You draw, you don't like it. You erase.
You draw, it's completely wrong.. You erase.
You draw, mess up. You erase.
You draw, it's great! But now her nose is disproportionate to her forehead- dang it! So you erase.
Over the years, I have learned that that is how you draw.
That is the only way to do it.
Make your mistakes. Then try again.
Eventually. You get it right.
Today as I was working on some watercolors, those words popped into my head every time I erased - which is a lot! lol
"Oh remember! If you're erasing more than you're drawing- then you're doing it right."
Saying those words in my head over and over was comforting! You know?
But then I got thinking.....
What if this isn't just for drawing and painting?
My deep dark secret is that I love to beat myself up.
Who knows why I do it- for sure it doesn't feel good.
But it happens all day long- it had gotten to the point where I had done it so much and was so used to it that it became as subconscious as drawing. The self destruction was on autopilot and I didn't even have to try to come up with those thoughts anymore. They just ran laps around in my head from the minute I woke up to the instant I fell asleep.
If you're like me- it goes something like this..
-Grant and Grace watching TV for hours because I'm trying desperately to do daily chores.
"You're such a bad mom. Your kids watch way too much TV."
So the next day I try a little harder and they only watch one show.
"You're such a bad mom. They shouldn't be getting any screen time at all. They should be outside playing."
So the next day they get no screen time and we go to the park.
"You're such a bad mom. You're kids don't even listen to you when you ask them to do something. You're such a mess. Nothing you do matters. It isn't working."
My mind has gotten so mean that even if I fix whatever the "problem" was, it just retaliates right back with something else. Isn't that stupid? As I write it down sounds really dumb- but I know we all do it!
We beat ourselves up.
We expect perfection the FIRST time.
We demand the best of ourselves instantaneously.
We compare our weaknesses to other's strengths.
The list goes on and on and on.
Life isn't meant to be that way. That's not how you do it.
So remember.
If you're erasing more than you're drawing...
then you're doing it right.