Me: I can't speak for everyone, so I will just say what I really wanted from my husband while we went through a really rough time with my depression.
I remember that I was in the bathroom just crying. I felt so hollow and empty inside- I felt blackness. And I sobbed.
Everything seemed heavy. The air around me just felt thick and I was exhausted. so. SO exhausted. My husband, being the kind person that he is, was trying to help the only way he knew how. So he kept asking "what's wrong?" "why are you upset?" "what can I do?"
But remember how I said I was exhausted? That also means I was tired of talking. Tired of trying to explain how I felt. Especially knowing that no matter how many times I said it, no matter how many ways I put it... he just wasn't ever going to get it. He couldn't understand.
All I want, in awful dark moments, is someone to take care of me.
Just hold me. Let me cry. Cry with me if you want extra credit.
Don't ask "what's wrong?". If I hear that again I am going to explode.
Don't try and give me suggestions on how I can "fix it". It doesn't work that way.
I don't care how much I pray, or read scriptures, or go to bed early, or wake up early, or exercise to get my endorphins running.... STOP. Don't try and "fix me".
I think we just want to be held. To be loved.
We want to be told that we aren't crazy.
We want to know that it is okay to feel how we are feeling.
We want to know that you love us, just the way we are.
Because we already know whats wrong with us. We have already thought/tried every solution a thousand times. We already hate ourselves so when you try and fix us that just validates our hatred.
So be loving. Be patient. Be understanding. and most importantly... be kind.
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"Mary":
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"Alice":
if they reach out, GRAB THEM and tell them everything is going to be OKAY and you're NOT crazy!! Haha. Make them feel comfortable and even if you feel you can't relate to them, try to make them feel like you can. It might help them to keep reaching out or at least get them to keep talking about things. Also, have compassion. It's very hard and extremely scary. It's almost like an out- of-body experience for them. Where they see their lives being so great and full of happiness but they can't feel it or even act on it. And they are COMPLETELY NOT themselves or who they want to be.
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"Sarah":
My advice would be to be patient and loving. We already know we have a problem and we feel like crazy people. Also have them educate themselves on depression. I have heard too many times that it is all in your head, that it's a choice. FALSE! I can guarantee that none of us would choose to feel this way!!!
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"Jane":
I would tell anyone who is watching their spouse/friend/family member going through something like this to listen and believe them. It takes guts and courage for us to admit we think there might be something wrong, especially with the negative connotation 'mental illness' carries with it. Realize that it isn't any different than if we had a heart condition, or infection. If we were physically sick wouldn't you take care of us, encourage us to take medicine prescribed, and to rest so we could get on top of what was hurting us? The same is absolutely true with mental illness.
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"Elizabeth" :
Thats a hard one. I'll have to think about it more but I think I would tell them to have patience and empathy and that its not who they really are. There are real things going on in their body physically that make it so they can't function mentally/emotionally/spiritually. Its real. That doesn't mean that they should just get a free pass for everything and not be held accountable. Love. Faith (in that person). empathy. And doing everything in their power to show them.
Me again.
Wanna hear what happens inside a depressed person's head? Listen to this song.. It'll give you a clue.
At least... this is what goes on in my head.