He spoke to me.

My blog in the past mostly contained posts of a more spiritual nature.. you know, back when I didn't have this sweet little baby munchkin to blog about. Well, after not posting "churchy" posts for a while.. I now am having difficulty knowing how to go about sharing what I'd like to share. Bear with me as I try to explain what's going on in my head.. {and having pregnancy brain just makes it that much harder!}
Trials seem to come when you don't want them to. Everything is lovely, wonderful and going your way.. and then boom. trial. I wish I could just simply say, "no thank you." and the trial would leave me alone.. but we all know that's not quite how it goes. Well that's how it was for me. Everything was peachy-keen and I was on a serious blessing high. Then everything got turned upside down. "It's not fair." crossed my mind multiple times a day. Well I just kept going. I held everything in and slapped a smile on my face because I still had good reasons to be happy, and dang it- I was gonna be happy. Holding everything in and bottling it up doesn't do anyone any favors though... because eventually it has to come out, and when you have bottled it up for so long.. well it explodes like a shaken up pop can. That was me this last weekend. Carmina the shaken up pop can just waiting to explode. I had reached my breaking point. For the first time in my life I literally felt weak inside and out.I was being pulled in a million different directions and I felt broken, and alone. It took everything I had to get ready for church that morning.At one point I was just so.. bleh.. that I just sat in the closet on the floor waiting for the strength to get up. I prayed for help.. I prayed for strength. I even prayed for a miracle. To my dismay, I still didn't feel better. I walked my sorry self to the car and went to church. During each talk I waited and waited for "just the thing I needed to hear" but it never came. I waited for the spirit to fill me and lift my spirits.. but it didn't. I still felt weary and weak.. and now disappointed. At the very end of relief society, when the speaker was closing up her talk.. I got the impression that I needed to ask Jaron for a blessing when we got home. Immediately the counter-attack came. "that is a dumb reason to ask for a blessing.""don't bother him with that.""he won't want to give you a blessing.""you don't need a blessing. you're being dumb."etc. etc. so on and so forth. Just when I was about to agree with those thoughts, and not ask for a blessing..another voice came into my mind.. and I knew, unmistakably, that it was from my Father in Heaven. 
"Carmina, I'm trying to talk to you." I have always felt that blessings were so neat and special because it was like Heavenly Father was talking to you. So when that came into my mind.. I knew in my heart that a blessing is what I needed. When we got home I asked my good husband for a blessing, and of course he said yes. The blessing that followed was the most beautiful blessing I have ever received in my life. Again, it was testified to me that Heavenly Father truly, truly knows me.. and He knows everything. Sometimes I think I fall into the thinking that He only knows what I tell Him in my prayers.. which is so wrong. He knows every bit of our lives, and takes notice of it. I was so grateful to hear in His words that He truly knows me, loves me, is proud of me, and is always here by my side.. even though sometimes I can't feel it. I am so blessed to have married a husband who is a worthy priesthood holder and who honors that priesthood. I don't know what I would have done if I would have gone one more day feeling the way I did, and I can't believe that I almost let the adversary talk me out of receiving that wonderful, wonderful blessing. Blessings are truly a gift, and to me.. is the way I hear the voice of God in these latter days. He does still speak to His children.. and I'm grateful that he spoke to me. He is always there.